DEAR TABBY | Technology perplexing for pup

Dear Tabby,

I’m Max, a 3-year-old pup, and I’m writing because I’m completely baffled by my human’s habit. Every day, she sits in front of this flat, glowing rectangle and talks to it for hours. Sometimes I hear other human voices coming from it, and occasionally even barking!

At first, I thought maybe she’d trapped tiny people inside this magic box, so I tried to help by pawing at it and barking. But she just shushed me and called it a “Zoom call.” I don’t understand – how can you call zoom? Zoom is what I do when we go to the park!

Even stranger, sometimes she holds up her phone, and I see her face in it, talking to other faces. Are there multiple versions of my human? Should I be concerned? How do I make sense of this strange human sorcery?

Confused Canine in California

Dear Confused Canine,

Oh my whiskers! It seems your human has introduced you to the mystifying world of video calls. I can only imagine how perplexing this must be for a dog – it’s like a game of fetch where the ball never actually leaves the thrower’s hand!

First, let me assure you that your human hasn’t trapped anyone in that glowing rectangle (though I understand the concern – humans do have some rather odd hobbies). What you’re witnessing is a human invention called “technology,” which allows them to see and talk to other humans who are far away. Think of it as really, really long-distance barking.

Here are some ways to cope with this strange new reality:

• Join the fun: Next time your human is on a “Zoom,” try sitting calmly next to her. You might get to see other dogs or hear interesting sounds!
  Screen sniff: When the call is over, give the screen a good sniff. You won’t smell the other humans, which might help you understand they’re not actually there.
• Practice patience: These calls are important to humans, so try to resist the urge to “rescue” the people in the box.
• Enjoy the attention: Sometimes, humans on these calls love seeing dogs. You might become a star!
• Use it as nap time: If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em in your own way – by snoozing peacefully nearby.

Remember, Max, while this technology stuff might seem like sorcery to us, it’s just another quirky human thing. Who knows? Maybe one day they’ll invent a way for dogs to video call each other. Now wouldn’t that be something to bark about!

Virtually yours,

Tabby

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